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1994-10-23
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TITLE:IF YOU JUST HAPPEN TO FEEL A BIT HUNGRY...
PALETTE:0223 099b 08ba 0cc9
OUR ALTERNATIVE LITTLE KITCHEN
By Macno
In the last issues of Scenarium we have vastly spandimerded The Jungle for its
section "Our Little Kitchen", where the reader was offered a juicy set of good
recipes. Someone else has followed our spandimerding offensive and we can
finally say, with obvious satisfaction, that our press campaign has convinced
The Blitter, main editor of The Jungle, to cut his culinary section.
Now that we have viciously compelled The Jungle to give up with the idea of "Our
Little Kitchen" we can finally reveal what were our secret plans.
We wanted to steal the great idea and to make our very own little kitchen in
Scenarium! ! ! ! !!!! Yeah!!!! Gimme Five!!!! Cool ya?!! Genial or what?!
We are well aware that the recipes section was the best part of The Jungle and
we want to reach the same success, cooking our very personal meals with improved
ingredients.
The result of our best attempts in the kitchen are presented here, all the
recipes have been tested, we found them good, nutrient and economic, we are sure
you will like them too. Remember always to check the quality of the
ingredients.
SCENERS SOUP
Presentation
A very popular and traditional recipe, it was used by the old barbarian tribes
of Scandinavia, the original cooking method has been lost in the night of times
but you can achieve good results with a normal micro-waves heater. If you want
the extra taste of the original recipe you should use young scandinavian
sceners, better if diskmags editors (to eliminate concurrence of course).
Ingredients
- 3 healthy sceners;
- 1 Kilo of potato juice;
- A chicken or some dead rats;
- Whatever else you want excluded bananas.
Preparation
Take the three sceners, put them in a big cauldron and start to boil them. No
need to clean them up or to make a selection of the best parts, just put
everything a light up. As every traditional and vulgar recipe, whatever you put
inside is good. After 10 minutes of boiling add all the other ingredients to
the cauldron, buy a very big micro-waves heater, and see what can come out.
Present the result (a stinking brown soup with various big pieces of
"something") with red vine. Wait that your hosts finish their portion before
announcing what they have eaten.
HELMETT'O'BLAST
Presentation
This is the best coktail you can offer in Andromeda internal bridge parties.
It's a bit alcoholic but good also for women. The original recipe comes from
the hidden diary of Hydra/Andromenda, we offer you an exclusive preview.
Ingredients
- 1 part of 95% alcohol;
- 1 part of Scotch Whisky;
- 1 part of Mexican Tequila (with worm optional);
- 1 part of Lord Helmet's blood.
Preparation
Just mix everything up and add ice. You can find Lord Helmet's original blood
at the Sceneretica shops, or, alternatively, ask to Hydra. He has a very
personal collection of genetically modified mosquitoes. They like only blood of
RAW's main editors, they suck it voraciously and they bring it back to their
evil master.
MAGGA PIZZA
Presentation
No need to spend many words on the oldest recipe of the world. Everybody knows
it already but we want to be sure that you haven't forgotten anything.
Ingredients
- Whatever you like in a pizza;
- 9 diskettes with the latest diskmags
Preparation
Yep, make that damn pizza and grate over it the delicate magnetic surfaces of
the disks (after careful extraction, in order to avoid plastic impurities). You
will taste the squisite flavour of nowadays spandimerda diskmags.
A variation with demo disks have been tried but resulted disappointingly
disgusting. No comparison, mags have that special taste.
MACNORONI
Presentation
This is a special recipe. It was given us by Blitter himself, he wanted to
thank us for keeping up the OLK tradition. We have tried it and we must
recognize than Blitter knows his work, the recipe is great, try it as soon as
possible, the ingredients are rather rare.
Ingredients
- Italian pasta (better if maccheroni);
- Salt and butter;
- Macno's brain.
Preparation
Heat some water, when it boils add some salt and the pasta. Wait some minutes
(not too many, we are not in France where pasta is heated for hours) and put
everything on a plate (also on the ground, if you prefer).
Add finally the juice with Macno's grey matter and melted butter.
MUSICIAN DREAM
Presentation
This is a very particular recipe that we offer you for the first time. It has
been created by our chef and we must admit that it is really something of
superior class and quality.
Ingredients
- Ants, many many ants;
- A juice with milk, apricots and eggs;
- 7 songs of charts topper musicians.
Preparation
Look for a garden and collect as many ants as possible. Put them in a plate,
add milk, and apricots, and eggs, mix everything with the songs of your
favourite musician (only if in the first 10 positions of the last Eurochart) and
serve cold. You will soon find out that the taste of those songs perfectly
matches with the sober fragrancy of ants.